ask me ANYTHING . (:

oh yeah , i talked to Robin Thicke earlier today .

i already talked about it on my other blog tho so i wont go through it again . just know that i love him ! (:

he went from a blood to a kappa .

its crazy what college does for people in the hood . it changes them for the better in so many ways that people dont even realize . i think about all the gangstas at dorsey that never really had anything goin for them. all they knew how to do was gangbang . so thats where they at now .. still in the same hood doin the same thing . gangbangin . but it was other niggas that gangbanged but also had the gift of athleticism . so they got into sports like basketball and football and its like .. football has saved SO many of my friends. it saved them in highschool by being able to use football practice as an excuse for why they couldnt rob the liquor store that night and stayin outta trouble , and it saved them by gettin them to college and outta that lifestyle . its funny tho . cuz all them niggas that was bloods are kappas now . and all them crips is sigmas . they're affiliated in more positive ways now .

but its the same for girls tho . because the girls in high school that was never about shit are STILL not about shit . they either caught up on some nigga that aint about shit either or they got a baby . then they leave all the college girls to ask, " why is everyone gettin pregnant ?" i'll tell you why . cause when we were filling out college applications , they were chillin wit Day Day n' nem . when we were worried about acceptance letters they were worried about what to wear to school . its all about your priorities .

college is the choice to either live or exsist . thats a different post tho . now i just wanna say this : if you made it to college with the goal to finish and out of the hood and you didnt end up like Rodney or Kash-Monee' , big ups to you homie . i see yu . (:

this song right HERE nigga ?

do NOT push pause on my page .
just listen to this song . The-Dream killed this shit !! straight murdered the beat AND the chorus . i'm convinced that it was his song and then he just gave it to Snoop like "ahhh you can have it ." i'm glad he didnt keep it tho . theres no way i coulda took a whole song of The-Dream . it just woulda been overload of greatness . lol . its cool though cause after the chorus it just goes strait into Snoop's smooth ass voice . sheeshhhhh . they did that !

cop that ::
Luv Drunk-Snoop feat. Dream

btw , go cop snoop's cd . (even though it's not his style at all .)

all i gotta do is pull this trigger?

i changed my major to creative writing today ! (: yay me . im claiming my double major of philosophy in fall too . but anyways, i think i wanna start doing short stories -- a series kinda. lets see how it goes.

Part 1

Its just another day in the neighborhood . Niggas decided to act up yesterday so now I got business to handle. Im staring at this man in the mirror. Is he ready ? I gotta be . I got my durag on , i got my bomber jacket , and i got my nine . the epitome of a black man tryna make it in Bronx, NY. killin was never really my thing till i started fuckin with these Bloods . but they do for me so i gotta return the favor.
"Carrington, get yo ass out of the bathroom and come eat dinner!" I wish she would stop callin me that shit. "I told you, its C-hood now mama! Damn." She dont listen.
Ma did her thing on them greens. She always knows how to make a nigga happy.
"Alright Ma, I gotta go."
"So soon? Where you goin baby?"
"I got buisness to handle."
Those words pierced through every inch of her body. Those were the same words my daddy said to her 7 years ago the night he died. She hung her head as she tried to suck the tears back into her sockets. "Carrington, please be smart. I know you grown and everything now and you THINK you know everything but really don't, boy. You don't have to live this kind of lifestyle. You don't have to follow in your father's footsteps."
"Alright Ma, I'll be safe." I wasn't tryna hear all that. I'm a man and i gotta do what I gotta do. I embraced her with a long hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I let her know I loved her as I walked out the door. I usually dont do all that extra shiit but today I had to. A nigga didnt know if he'd ever make it back.

somebody come get me .

dont sleep on melanie fiona .

just a few things to be thankful for .

• i'm thankful for my loving family , that has been by my side like no one else . they are always there for me , helping me and guiding me as much as they possible can . thank you fam . (:
• i'm thankful for my supportive friends . although they are not the most positive people around , they are definitely the most caring .
• i'm thankful for the ability to even be typing this right now . the ability to be walking , talking and breathing cause i'm sure a lot of people wish for it everyday .
• i'm thankful to be genuinely loved and highly favored by most people . it just makes the road in life that much easier . (;
• i'm thankful for those who want the best for me , as well as those that act like they want the best for me with the intentions to sabotage me . i'm thankful to be able to understand the difference .
• for my talents and my musical ear .
• for my struggles and set backs .
• for my passion .
• for my humor . (it's what gets me through)
• for every experience . good or bad, i learned something from it .
• for every part in your plan, Lord .

i am truly blessed . happy thanxgiving ! (:

j, cole

this dude is sooooooo raw !!
i have been praying and hoping for a new talent ; a new voice . with style and grace . to put a smile upon my face . lol . well all i gotta say is : =D

introducing J. Cole . cool ass nigga . he kinda reminds you of drake just with more swag . you gotta listen close to the things he says cause he's real deep , but he's tight tho . he used to stand outside of the studio EVERYDAY when jay-z was recording "american gangster" tryna have jay listen to his mixtape . jay wasnt havin it tho . but i guess one day jay gave in cause he's the first to be signed to roc nation . here's a few of his songs :

can YOU teach me how to dougie ?

this guy is TOO raw on the dougie !!

sex therapy . gimme some !! + lady gaga was normal ?

robin thicke , if you're out there .. anywhere , understand that i love you unconditionally . lmao . im so serious though . have yu ever seen a white boy with so much swag ? SO much swag . here's his new video, "Sex Therapy". enjoy!



wtheck , lady gaga used to be normal ? lol yeah right .
stevi i know that's what you're thinking . lol
and that's what i thought before i saw this video . but after watching this , we can see that stefani germanotta is actually talented ! i know she's a crazy demented b* now , but once upon a time , she was a normal NYU student with style and grace . she can really sing and play the piano .. kinda like norah jones. check it out.

random thought .

i hate this everest guy . lol .
he's so stupid . up here tryna get us to go to his whack ass college . lowkey tryna bang on us !! "u sit around on the phone all day anyway! you might as well make a call that's gonna better you're future !" man shut uppppp . yu dont know shit i do wit yo ugly ass ! up here with these lowsy ass clothes and a flimsy ass hat (the ones that BUTTON in the back) talkin to me like yu crazy . this aint boot camp nigga ! this is B.E.T. ! and while youre standin there in a street alley tryna recruit niggas to ur college , your missing the fact that we CLEARLY see the college doesnt do shit if yu went there , graduated , and all yu got was a dumb ass commercial !

everest guy , im laughin at yo ass . HA HA HAAAAA .

video phone ? i don't think i want one anymore . =/

if you asked me how i felt about this video , i'd simply say:

i didn't like it .
don't get me wrong , because you know i love B (just look back at what i was for halloween!) . and i know that she is killing the game right now . but now i think the problem is that .. she knows it, too. in october of 2008 , B hit us HARD with the single ladies . totally unexpected and mind blowing . but now , november of 09 rolls around , and we get this bullshit ass video phone .
i feel like she's doing too much . yes it is a change from what we were getting used to , such as the black and white videos with 3 dancers, choreography and ridiculous gadgets, but its TOO much of a change . we werent ready .
how do you go from black and white to gumball-machine colorfulness ? from humble to hoochie ? beyonce is in this video shakin her ASS and tooting that ish like we do at the parties ! BEYONCE ! she's up here moaning and shit at the end , talkin about 'you want me naked, if you like this position you can tape it' . WHAT THE FUCK B ? what possessed her to do this crap ? i mean i can understand that maybe she was sick of just being known as goody goody beyonce and wanted to add a little edge , but she coulda warned a playa first!
but hey i wont complain .. it was ok i guess . that part where here and GAG-GAG were dancin was real nice . who knew the white psychopath had moves ? lol. and i like the fact that gaga didnt take it too far with her weirdness. she did exactly what no one would have expected and seemed classier than beyonce . if that aint a surprise , then idk what is .

to my immortal beloved ,

The Third Letter

Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven

if only love like that still existed today . . .

santogold .

if you arent up on Santogold , get up on her immediately . expand your horizons . here , i'll help you :




and if that wasnt enough ,



ridiculous right ?

i've got the game allll wrong .

it is 3:03 in the morning and i have just been hit with an epiphany . i have the game allll wrong . it is twisted and tangled into a knot of what-the-fuck .
see , this is my problem . i often fall for the guy with the most pride and the biggest ego . with the cutest smile but the ugliest frame of mind . i fall for the dude that thinks more highly of themselves than they do me . the ones that do not trust nor believe . what it really comes down to is .. i fall for the one's that are ignorant when it comes to the proper way to treat a lady . the boys instead of the men .
they are immature , but they are funny . they are cocky, but they have a lot going for themselves .
arguments and let downs . weakness .
im getting closer and closer everytime to the prototype of my knight and shining armor , but not close enough .

they were all . so . weak .
overly confident to cover up the insecurities buried deep inside .
(they thought no one saw .)
i did .


this is an oath to myself, though . no more cocky boys .
and dont you EVER return to them old ones . it hasnt worked before , and it wont now .
i deserve more .
i deserve to be cared for like i ought to . to be loved like i want to .
i deserve a real man !

i've got one in mind , too. (;

W O R D S .

words are so powerful .
words can kill .

we fear words .
for the power that they have . for the weight that they carry .
we are afraid to think or say the wrong thing . so much that if we think something "negative" we keep it to ourselves . we dont want these forbidden words and forbidden thoughts to leave our brains .
forbidden words like ugly , fat , poor .
forbidden thoughts like, "what if it's cancer?" , "what if i love him/her?"
we don't wanna talk about it .
we just can't .
because once we actually say the words out loud , it becomes real .
and reality is a bitch , isn't she ?
so we keep it to ourselves .

and we don't open up to people, either .
well not easily anyway .
because once we open up , once those words are released ,
we no longer have control over that information .
it is now gone into the air , for anyone who heard it to do what they want with it .
they now have the power to manipulate you and your words in anyway they choose .
they now have the power to take them the wrong way (as we tend to say).

but i say : fear not .
for words are the only way to express ourselves .
say what you feel , and leave the rest to God .

lol .

we say it and we really dont mean it . "lol" is our icyhot for conversation . we use it to ease the situation . because if you write "lol" , its taken as a joke . and everyone knows not to take a joke serious . right ? =/

we use "lol" for two situations . one is when we get what is supposed to be a joke in a text and we type "lol" back to make the person feel good . either bc we're flirting or just cuz we dont wanna look like an asshole . what are we supposed to write , "that wasnt funny" ? heck no . we cant go out like that ! we gotta care about what people think of us, remember ?
secondly , we say "lol" so that our true statements dont seem as harsh . cuz if i write " girl stfu . im talkin . lol " its like , ehh . just a joke . let me not trip . whereas if i wrote " girl shut the fuck up . im talkin " its like bitch whaaaat ? >:o

so know that when people write "lol" theyre bullshitting you . they are doing everything BUT laughing out loud .

the philosophy of life .

how do i want to start this ?
i mean there is no right way to start it . thats why in philosophy class we're taught to just jump into our papers without the introduction and the attention grabber . just to do the damn thang . so here we go .

so, a common belief between most of us is that we live and we die , and the things that we do while living determines if we will go to heaven or to hell , where we will live eternally . and thats it . thats all . but that makes no kind of sense to me whatsoever because God is smarter than that. it has to be more to this picture than what we see .

i think that there are levels of life . for example , i feel like one level is insects and bugs , the next level is animals , and the next level is humans . but whats the next level ? the animals have the ability to kill the bugs , and we have the ability to kill both of them . who/what kills us ? there has to be another level , this cant be it ! God is toooo smart for that .

i think that there is a level out there that is higher than us that we don't know about yet . i feel like they have the power to kill us the way we kill bugs . because think about it , when we squash bugs and kill them , they just think they died . they dont know that we took our foot and stepped on them . they and the rest of their family think they're just goners , and thats because they dont know about the higher levels yet because they havent got here . are you following me ?

i feel like what we do on this level determines if we move up to the next level or down to the animal level . if we do good , we go to heaven , which is the next level that we dont know about . but if do bad while on this level , we go to "hell" , or to the level under us . it is kind of like reincarnation , but just a little deeper .

and i feel like Jesus is the ruler of THIS level , mainly because he was a human like us and we have proof that he was on this level. but i think that GOD is the ruler of ALL levels . like God is the one that made the heaven and earth , humans and animals . and HE is the foreseer of all levels . but i think that every level has a different level-ruler , as Jesus is to us . still following ? good .

and thats basically it (for the simple version) . my goal now is just to figure out what the next level is . is it the thing we call "aliens" ? since we've never come in contact with them but just have an idea of what they are . maybe we call them aliens because we dont know what they are . but they could just be the next best thing .

im not asking you to agree , but hopefully your mind is open enough to see it as a possibility .

- Iman Europe

my little man ,

i saw this video and it almost made me cry ! that little boy loves his mom so much . it makes me want a little boy . cuz if my son came to me with this , it would just be the best day of my life . period .

10/16 - freewrite .

ok so in creative writing class , we have to do this thing called a freewrite . and in it , you have to write about whatever topic my teacher gives us without using punctuation (except --) . its just an endless sentence that goes on and on about whatever comes in your mind , even the off topic stuff . so imma try it out . imma talk about whats going on right now in a freewrite . this should be intertaining . you'll see deep my thoughts get .

-- OK SO im at home with jack matia and nesh and were on the couch watching these tornado's and im just now beginning to notice how powerful they are and like they never get recognized on the news but they really make impacts like think about it if you get sucked up into that tornado its a definite rap for your life-- i mean wrap for life-- that word rap is always stuck in my head but anyways think about all the shit tornadoes pick up like trees and houses and nails that were holding the house up and glass from the house windows and cars from houses driveways -- like that mess is no joke and there is no way to survive that ever and the crazy thing is is how they start which is basically because they happen in the middle of the united states where the winds from the east and the winds from the west collide into eachother and when they collide too hard it starts a whirl and kills a girl -- or guy -- whatever anyway isnt that crazy and it almost makes you wonder what to even do if you see one coming your way like if they come your way youre done no matter what but for some reason ppl have got it to where they dont get sucked up in that thing like they built a place in their house under the basement and when a tornado comes they just go down there -- like thats some genious shit like who would have thought to make a house under the house dug under the ground to go to incase of a tornato that guy who made that up had to be a genious or something man like forreal that nigga had to be high cuz when you high you think of bomb shit like it dates all the way back to indians who built the underground little dirt caves and it just started progressin and progressin like i think the cavemen just died when tornado's came cuz they were too dumb to know what to do like the indians did like the indians where the first to find weed and they smoked it and thought of bomb creations and that is why we have smart shit like underground houses and then as time goes on we progress and progress and more people begin to smoke more weed and think of better ideas and that is why we went from boats to planes and from asking an elder to going to google like technology progressed because we progressed as a whole and smoked more weed and that is what i think (:

heartbreaker , you've got the best of me .

today in creative writing class , we had to write about the person who broke our hearts . how they smelled , looked , sounded .. all of the five senses . we wrote first about how we saw them when things were all good , and then we wrote abt how they broke our hearts and how we saw them after they did so . and the thing that i noticed was , everyone was writing .

doesnt it suck that everybody has had theyre heart broken at least on time ? like everybody has to go thru the pain and agony of being hurt by another human being , wether it was intentional or not . it sucks .. and its not fair . as is life .

i looked around the room at everyones faces while they were writing. everyone was all depressed and sad .. and MAD that the teacher made us revisit that dredful memory . i know i was . i wonder how the heartbreakers would feel if they saw they're heartbreakee's face . would it bring them joy or make them frown ? idk abt them but .. it makes me want to never break a heart again .

september 26th ?

seriously ? is that the last time i blogged ? wow . im really slackng . shit just gets hectic , yu know ?

but anyway .. just a quick little update :

im back at school ! and the nest is paaaahhpin ! for those who dont know , The Nest is the name of me , matia , mynesha, and leslee's apartment . we call it the nest cuz we're on the 3rd floor .. so it sits high like a nest does in a tree . actually , now that i think abt it , when yu look off the balcony , it kinda seems like we ARE sitting in a tree ! but thats where jeff stays :) . but anyway , we live in The Nest and we're The Birds . cuz we're fly of corse . lol . its cool tho. we get along pretty good .


one of these days i'll come back to explain my new philosophy of life . its very deep and mind blowing so yu must be prepared . im tryna write a little book on it , but i'll just give you a preview since you're pretty . (:

dont ask no questions .

just go get kid cudi 's cd and bump that shit . you can thank me later .

it goes like this :

if yu got a problem w. kanye , run up . straight drop .


im sick and tired of yall bashing him . like the nigga cant drink hennessy and make mistakes . like what he said was WRONG . like what he said was suprising . did yu forget who he was ? clearly . and thats YOUR bad . honestly , i thought it was funny . and i thought he was standing up for what he believed in . we were always taught to do that , but as soon as he does it he gets booooooed for the rest of the night . thats bullshit . and if yu let him making a poor little girl that you DONT KNOW cry stop yu from liking him , yu were never a fan anyway . i mean the dude apologized . what else do yu want ?
but see , i am team kanye to the end . imma ride for him no matter what just cause thats the type of woman i am . right or wrong . i'll admit , he ddnt have to blast her on national tv , but he did .. and its over now . so all yu haters need to fall baaaaaaaaccckkkkkkk !

oh yeah , and big ups to taylor swift . she got played like a tuba and turned around 2 minutes later , sucked it up , and did a bombbb performance . she handled her buisness like a real woman . much respect . (:

shout outs to my role model B too . she's soooooo amazing and humble !

peaceeee homieee !

the worst feeling in the world .

the worst feeling in the world is feeling inadequate . feeling that maybe the dream or goal yu have set for yourself can't be accomplished , and yu are somehow at fault for it . i hate feeling like that . but lately , that's how ive been feeling w. this ANTM thing .
the second worst feeling is not being supported by my mom with this whole thing . as much as she doesnt want to just come out and admit it , she doesnt support me . she thinks the only way i'd win is by luck . isnt that something ? " maybe yu should fix your teeth first ." my teeth ? there is nothing wrong with my teeth . ohhhhhh my GAP yu mean . my character . the very thing that defines me . yu want me to get rid of it ? simply bc yu had a complex w. YOURS when yu were a kid ? f* that . thats bullshit . sorry ma , but it is . im fine with my gap . in fact i live it . it isnt going anywhere.
dont get me wrong .. i live my mom . its just that she can be discouraging at times without even realizing it .i just feel like .. i KNOW i can make it . and when yu feel like that , yu shouldnt let anyone stop yu or discourage yu . when you're sure of yourself , be sure of yourself . and dont let anyone stop yu . ANYONE . not even the person you thought would be rooting for yu the loudest .

when you get real bored .. watch this !!

this is so effing entertaining and suspenseful . people think they want the truth .. they have nooo idea .

an ode to my secret crush .

ooooooohhh baby .
i dont know if it is right , but at this point , i dont care .
i couldnt care less actually .
because you make me question myself everyday .
like ,"why didnt i talk to him in high school ?"
"what was i thinking?"
and
"why am i always on his facebook page?"

this cant be healthy .
not in any way , shape or form .
cuz i mean i'm always on your fb page .
roamin around .. lookin at the saaame 47 pictures youve been tagged in .
well its 48 now .. since 5 minutes ago .
and when are yu gonna change that profile pic bby ? i swear you've had it for abt 22 days ..

sheesh i mean this is really crazy right ? like im crazy, huh ?
cuz i never hit yu up but i swear i want to .
and my first name just flows so pleasantly w. your last name !

them green eyes capture my soul . and one day you will know it .
but first i gotta get yu to come to me .

what our music lacks today .

believe it or not , music now is not where it needs to be (what a shocker right?) . and its definitely not where it was back in the day . music is lacking majorly . to the point that most people in my generation tend to revert back to old music before their time . we're getting more in touch and in tune with the oldies that we used to hate to listen to when our parents would play them when we were kids . we're beginning to respect and understand them a lot more . now , we're actually giving 92.3 The Beat a chance ! and its mostly because 105.9 is going f*ng crazy .. playing all this wack white shit (no offense) . im just saying .. power 106 used to be our station . our black station ; the one we could rely on . now its been paraded with lady gaga , pitbull , and other cauc-exican crap .

and this is why .
back in the day , for one artist was an entire team . there was the artist , the producer , the songwriter , the choreographer , the designer , and the manager . everyone specialized in their area ; they knew their part and played it well . and weighed it well , on their libra scale . my bad .. thats just the wayne in me . but my point is that there is none of that anymore . now , artists are the entire team in one . they play all of the parts in order to benefit themselves and their pockets , leaving us with this bullshit they insist on calling music . they aren't skilled in every area , so instead of the 100% we USED to get from performers like Micheal Jackson (when he was with motown) , marvin gaye , and al green , NOW we get 50% , if that , from people like beyonce . dont get me wrong , beyonce is a baddd mama jamma , and she was real nice when she was a younger performer . but now shes older and she's sick of getting directions . so she produces herself . writes herself . choreographs herself . designs HERSELF . and because of that , she is giving herself as well as music and performers in general a bad name .

this was not meant to diss B . everyone knows how much i love her and her single ladies dance . this is just to say that if artists today had a team like they did back then , they would produce better quality . they would have someone to say, "nuh uhhh . thats wack . you cant go out like that!"

not just for music though . we ALL need a team . we all need people there for us so we dont have to go through life alone . we all need support that can boost our 50% to 100% . i have my team . what about you ?

ANTM .

im trying out . (:

i have nothing to lose . and i AM pretty tall . lol . and say i make it ? that'll would make me the happiest woman alive .
and say i dont ? i'll be right back in the place im in now . whats to lose ?

going to runway practice today and saturday . then taking my pictures after practice !!

september 19th babyyyyyy . (;

life can be seriously fuuny .

mannnn , you guys have to check out this website . it has some of the funniest pictures ever !
like these for example :

oh yeah . THAT'LL do it !

lmao .

umm .. your welcome ?

pahahaha . seriouslyyy ?!

lmao . so check them out : kelvynstevens.blogspot.com . (:

life's a game , but its not fair . i break the rules so idc . (:

what an amazing video . it seriously gave me chills . they all have so much passion . one of my favorite artists (kanye) , my fashion idol , and one of the best freakin rap performers there ever lived . it was bound to be successful . (:

love me like i oughtta be loved .

"You shouldn’t love me, it’s a poor life choice.”
“What if I said it was too late?
“I’d say that’s a shame. But I’d also say that if you have to love me, love me like the moon. Love me when I’m cursing at the GPS because it took me to the-middle-of-nowhere when I clearly said to take me to California. Love me when I’m sitting in wrinkled jeans and a stained shirt that I Febreezed and called clean. Love me when I forgot what you said, forgot your birthday and remembered the stats of the last game. Love me when I wax, love me when I wane. Love me then.”
“Alright. And what about me? How will you love me?”
“I’ll love you like the tides. I’ll love you when you’re sitting in the middle of a million shoes complaining that none will work. I’ll love you when you forget to check the oil, forgot to fill the gas tank, forgot to roll up the windows when you parked. I’ll love you when you burn dinner, when you won’t get off the phone, when you cry at a movie you’ve seen twenty times before. I’ll love you during the low tides, during the high. I’ll love you then”
“And during which will you remember that love is a fool’s choice?”
“Oh, I’ll always remember. But I’m a fool. Remember?”

- devianart .

what matters most .

i know that we are all supposed to believe that what matters most is what you think of yourself . we're not supposed to feed into the negative things that people say about us because they don't really matter . and to me , thats true ... kinda . but i feel like this , if everyone has the same perception of what kind of person you are , and its negative , maybe you should work on fixing it . because as much as people hate to admit it , reputation is everything . =/
i feel like what matters most is how you are remembered when you pass away . are you going to be remembered as a saint or a sinner ? a sweetheart or a grouch ? someone filled with joy or filled with sorrow ? because honestly , no one wants to leave this life and have people say , "well im glad SHE'S/HE's gone." and im sure we all have problems with people , but i feel like NO problem is bigger than how you're seen when you're gone . thats why this week ive been tryna get on track with everyone that i was off track with . because we never know when its our time to go . and lets face it .. 95% of fall outs are over bullshit when we look back at it . i dont wanna die with problems with a whole bunch of people . cause im really not that type of person . and i dont want someone else to die with us on bad terms . cuz THATS never fun . but if someone doesnt wanna meet me half way then hey , at least i tried .
im just saying , i want my life AND my death to make a difference . i want to influence peoples lives and have them remember me as the positive woman that i am . i'm working on becoming a better me . this is my first step. (=

kill this "fake" ish .

i am soooo sick of the word fake . this is a commonly used word to describe a girl (or guy) that deceived you at some point . "that b* is fake as fuck . i heard she was talkin shit. "
here is a wake up call : everyone is faaakeee !
everyone in this entire world is fake ! at some point , someone laughed at a joke of yours that wasnt funny . they're fake . they ddnt like ur outfit and told someone else . they're fake . they talk shit about decisions you've made . they're fake . but so whaat ? you're fake too ! i know yu do the same thing .
i dont understand how people expect other people to be so genuine to them when they dont give generosity back ! how can one expect another to be totally loyal and agree with everything that a person chose to do ? and the thing is , evveerryybody and they momma lovesss to say how fake they AREN'T . "i aint fake . i'll tell a b* exactly how i feel !" b* , ur fake . stfu .
all im saying is that we need to learn to accept that our friends are going to say shit about us when we arent around , and there is nothing at all we can do to stop that . even if we are 100% genuine to them , its still gunna happen . so stop being crushed when you find out you have some friends that do some "fake" stuff . just be prepared and know that its coming .


p.s. to be successful is to be "fake" . think about it .

honesty box .

if you are a college student , yu are familiar with facebook . and if you are familiar with facebook , you are certainly familiar with honesty box .
ohhh , honesty box . the most cowardly invention ever made . where people tell their true feelings about someone "to their face" anonymously . so its like .. you told them how you feel to their face , but with a mask on . so its like you're bold coward . ha . what a paradox .

but i kind of feel like this, too . maybe some people would rather get honesty box messages . i mean we all say the same thing : "if you got somethin to say , say it to my face . " but do we really mean that ? i think that the truth hurts too bad . maybe we dont really wanna know who thinks this , that , and the other about us . we don't wanna know that our closest freinds are the cowards writing in our boxes . we would much rather think that some loser boy out of our 500+ friends that we only had 2 mutual friends with is the one sending bullshit , much rather than we'd want to think that it's our crush . so its like the recievers are cowards too .
idk .. i could be wrong . but thats just how i feel .

so on that note , feel free to write in my honesty box , coward . (:

funniest part of superbad !

lmfaooooo ! =D

im just off alotta people .

im off the ones that try so hard to belittle me , the ones who take me for granted , the ones who constantly pull me down , the ones that think their running shit (HA) , the ones that expect me to bow down , the fake ones , and the ones that try to make me feel anything less than the queen that i am . i'm off of you all . good day .

the money tree .

when i was a kid , i used to wish money grew off trees . that way , all i needed to do was to climb up in a tree , pull out 5 leaves, and buy that barbie doll that i wanted . i mean it was only 5 leaves . do you know how many trees there are in the world ? it wouldn't hurt at all . everyone would still have oxygen , and i would have my barbie . i thought , "God, why wouldnt you make the money grow from the trees ? my life would be so much easier ."

i blamed him .

but now that i am older and wiser , i understand . if money grew from trees , we'd all commit suicide . every tree on this planet would be stripped of all the leaves and used on materialistic things that us humans claim are "essentials" to our daily lives . clothes , shoes , cars , mansions . we would trade our oxygen in to be fly . cause at the end of the day .. that's all we really want . we wanna be fly . we wanna be fly-er than the next chick or dude so bad , that if money trees existed , we'd kill ourselves for it . we'd kill our neighbors and our parents for it . our best friends and our lovers for it . cause once the oxygen is gone , we all are . we would no longer strive to reach goals and dreams because they would instead be handed to us . this would be a passionless world filled with suicidal consumers .

Lord, you are a genius . thanks for thinking ahead . (:

they're regular people .

clownin niggas . haha . drake and my man are funny .

i love you Tremaine ! ♥

a brilliant medley .

yes , those are all one person, sam tsui .



there isnt much to say after this . it speaks for itself .

drake falls . and .... ?

maybe you've seen it . if not , here it is :




this is how i feel .
that shit was funny as helllll ! (what a stupid analogy)
but anyway, that shit was halariousss . and no one wants to admit it . why though ? cuz he's "drake" ? cuz he has a name that everyone knows ? it's not funny when he skips across the stage like a lil kid and busts his ass , but when scarlet took a tumble and busted the shit out of her side everyone was crackin up . she was hurt just like that nigga ! she just wasnt famous so no one gave a fuck . thats bullshit . imma laugh at drake just how i laughed at scarlet's big ass .

and wayne is a fuckingg genius . he hurried up and cleaned up the scene with jokes . an with that line " who wants to be drake's nurse tonight" . brilliant . and the thing is .. he knows he's wayne . he knows that as long as he went out on stage , everything and everybody would be okay . thats my baby ! =]

funniest shit this week !

lmfao . damnit boyy.
was the mask to hide the humiliation ? or to cover up that hair ? lol . damn that shit is funny. and the church hum in the background just adds to it ! lol .

definitely NOT traditional .

pls watch:

sorry in advance .

i know this post may offend some people . so i apologize in advance .

i really cannot stand mexican kids . there's none on this planet that ive met that i can actually tolerate . they are alll sooo annoying !! >:o i mean SO annoying . they ask stupid shit and do stupid things . why cant they just be cool like black , white , and asian kids ? i mean the ones mixed w. black are cool , but them fullbreads can fuck off .
just knowing that one day they will grow up to overpopulate this world and cause trauma to the world MY kids will live in pisses me off even more .

thats all . goodbyee .

MY dream . MINES .

i usually don't do multiple blogs back to back , but today i had to after reading stevi's blog entitled "the dream team" . she gave a great interpretation of a dream differed .
http://steviwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2009/07/dream-team.html

basically , what i got from it is that .. either you are gonna get your dream and hold onto it , or you're gonna let it go for someone else to achieve it . now , this person isnt necessarily better than you , just more passionate . then you have to walk around , seeing them live your dream when at one point it could have been yours .
i REFUSE to let this be my sob story ! and i honestly do not care about what anyone has to say. im gonna be a songwriter of some sort . im going to be successful in the music field ! i feel like its my calling .. all i have to do is stick with it and stick with God . i feel like this is what i was born to do and i wont settle for less .

take pride in what you do . who else will ?

i was brought up to believe that bragging and boasting is wrong . ur not supposed to brag about what you have and what you are going to get , mainly because there are so many other people who are not fortunate enough to be in your same position . i understand .... i guess .
this is my thing though . is it wrong to celebrate yourself for your achievements ? or am i supposed to sit back and wait for other people to do so ? because as of right now , i feel pretty damn good about myself . in 4 days i have gotten over 160 downloads on my song . sure , thats nothing to you but .. that just means that there are over 160 people that will know MY lyrics . lyrics that I wrote . they will sing along to MY shit . you know ? and i feel like thats an accomplishment ; especially knowing how much music means to me. and i know that when i get famous i won't stop to think about this kind of stuff. songwriters take this stuff for granted . im sure wayne and kanye dont stop to appreciate how many people know their songs . instead of how many songs people know, the "important" issue becomes how much money you make . but anyway, this has always been a dream of mines .. to write songs that people like enough to sing to . i just feel like this is the beginning . the start of something big . and i'm proud of myself !
so if being proud of myself is wrong , so be it . im not putting anyone down . im not saying im better than anybody . im simply saying i deserve this joy that i feel . and if you feel that i don't, that's fine , too . mommy warned me about cats like you . (:

eeeewww , gross !

what a disgusting song ! lol , download it though . =]


Wetter Remix-I.E. ft. Jet 2
http://limelinx.com/files/33b17f17972f39beaf880b8f59625d29

pay attention to Jet 2 . the man's a genius i tell you !

"making it work" .... explain .

its like this :
im nineteen . im a very smart individual . i can sit around and philosophize on any and everything . but for some reason , there is one question that i just cannot figure out. how do you "make it work" ? what are the things that need to be done in a relationship to make it last ? because i just dont know . with me , when the going gets tough , it's time to get going . ive never been the type to sit around and try . after a fuck up or two , i'm out ! you can ask anyone who knows me well . and its not because i'm evil ..its because i stop seeing the point in it. after the fire is burned out, there is no need to look for the matches .. it was burned for a reason right ? maybe God didnt want us to see eachother anymore .
to have a successful relationship , does that mean i have to buckle down to a man letting him know everything im feeling, everything i fear , and taking off the front .. just to be manipulated and deliberately depreciated in the long run ? i think not . does it mean putting up with Bullshit and Bullshit's cousin, Lies, and being cool with them niggas ? letting a man walk all over me ? and sitting back and listening to the same s o r r y excuses over and over until eventually i become amune to them ? oh no ? yu say that's NOT what "love" is about ? hmmm .. well you tell me what it is then . because every couple that is on "love" and calls themselves "making it work" all have that same story . these girls sit back and "make it work" because they are afraid of being alone . either that or .. they're getting theirs in too . there is no such thing as genuine love these days . everyone in this world is too self-interested .
or maybe its me . i guess its some things that i'm not meant to understand ... this being one of them . but i really would like to know , though . maybe ... idk ... sometime BEFORE im married ? lol . if i make it that far .


from the bottom of my cold heart ,

iman juliette .

happy birthday elyyyy ! :)

idk what it is about this picture but i love it !

happy birthday to such an amazing person , elysse ely . (its pronounced e-lie although i used to pronounce it ellie . ) lol . it sucks that it took me until the end of senior year to realize how cool she was . and then once i realized how much of a goof ball she was , we clicked . then it was pinky && the brain sent to take over the worllddd ! haha . from the time i packed all my shit and crashed at your house to avoid killing roger, to the time we got drunk in the middle of the day at my house (lol, we were eating hella bread!) , you have always been there for me, turning my frown upside down by any means necessary . and i love yu elysse ! for never judging me and never doubting my abilty to become anything . its always support coming from you and i thank you for that . haha oh goshh ely do u remember that time we went to taco bell and got them temporary tattoos and tried to make ppl believe they were real ? HAHAHA omg , jokes . ely , you are such an extarodrinary individual . don't let anyone try and take that away from you . ily sis with all my love . hope your day was sweeeeeeet . (-8

oh , thats how we do UB! 8-)

ezequiel && fine ass jesse!
lol . good times !

i got an email today . i thought i'd share .

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs. (i beg to differ .)
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a guy that doesn't give you everything you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Pass this on to at least 10 woman and 5 men.

john mayer .

what an awesome performer !!
his philosophy is so tight . lol . just listen :




btw , his song is for his next girlfriend .. whoever it will be . [cough cough] ME! =D

Tribute To Iman Europe

Tribute To Iman Europe Upload Music

i love you jonathan ihejeto !

twitter: i just may give in .

what a hypocrite .
i talked so much stuff about twitter and now im actually debating on getting one . its just that im sooo sick of everyone asking what my twitter is so they can follow me . "ur life seems interesting!" no you nosey fuck , you just wanna keep tabs on me . whatever , its all good though . i dont write aways anymore so i guess this will take its place . plus , i get to follo my man around ; trey songs . ;) . whelp , follow me :

stalkmebaby. (:

amazing artists .

guido daniele .
he draws animal art on hands . but they're not real hands . he draws the hands too .
sounds crazy right ? ha .. crazy is the new genius .
take a look :

if you look closely , you can see that , not only did he do an amazing job at drawing these animals , but he also gave the illusion that they were drawn on hands . he sculpted them perfectly .

gregory colbert .
he combines man and animals in most of his pieces .
just look at this guy . no other photographer/artist compares !

they all use the same colors but each and every one seems so different. simply amazing.

google them babyyy!

imy matiaaa !

ugh ! the 24th sure does need to hurry up and come . i miss my bird !
we stumbled across some craaazzyy pictures . haha . check em out :

haha . clowns .

boy stoppppppp .

yesterday , my intentions of writing this blog was to blast yu . i was gunna tlk abt how yu have a lot of nerve for texting what yu texted to me yesterday , especially after all the bullshit emails ive received from yu over the months abt how we must reconnect . but after a long talk yesterday with a pretty boy , i figure tht there is no need . yu know what yu did . yu know who yu are . and everyone gets the gists of what and whom im tlkng about . so im at peaceee .


peaaaceee !
drop a fingerr. [;

i got my baby back . =]

after a dreadful 2 weeks without a phone , i finally got my replacement! now im poppin with a g1 [womp]. i never really liked g1s, but i love em now ! lol . so if you've texted me @ all in the past two weeks , i wasnt ignoring yu . i simply ddnt get it. so re-text me loves ! =]

laterrr .

will yu be there ?

in our darkest hour ,

in my deepest despair ,

will yu still care ?

will yu be there ?

in my trials ,

and my tribulations ,

through our d o u b t s ,

and frustrations ,

in my violence ,

in my turbulence ,

through my fear ,

and my confessions ,

in my anguish & pains ,

through my joy and sorrow ,

in the promise of another tomorrow ,

i'll never let you part .
for you're always in my heart . ♥
-m.j.

when the dougie becomes a problem .

so she's 8 . and her name's ... keyna ? sounds about right . and the sad thing abt it is yu can hear her ghetto ass sister in the back and THATS the person she learned that from! im not gonna lie, that little girl was gettin it lol. but not for an 8 yr old . her sister should be ashamed of herself . but im sure she's showin this to all her hoodrat friends like, "look what keyna can doooooooooo!"

s . m . h .

shaheen jafargholi . dont sleep .

simply amazing . no other kid is as bad as him .

R.I.P. M.J.

it just hit . it always takes the funeral for it to hit me . damn .. he's really gone . i wish i coulda met such an amazing man. please ... let him rest in peace .