survey says (part 1) :

UCR’s sociology department is seeking to understand campus dating generally, and specifically the phenomenon of “getting played” or being told, “I just want to be friends” but then being treated as more than a friend until deep feelings develop, and ultimately being reminded that “we’re just friends”. Dr. Brooks calls this a false commitment, when a person says one thing (just friends) but does another (acts as though they want a serious relationship).

EXPERIENCE
1. Are you familiar with the event – being “played” /false commitment (yes or no)?

Yes.

2. Have you ever “played” someone? Please describe.
Think about your answer and please respond to these questions:
How did you do it?

it depends . which incident are you talking about ?
one of the worst would have to be when i told a guy that he meant nothing to me and that he was simply another mind to manipulate . (smh at me . )

Was it on purpose?

very much so . i was young , dumb , and pissed off .

How did you learn to do this?

i'm not sure . it couldve been influenced by my mom . she's very independent and works well with men , but even better without them .

What was their reaction?

i'm sure he cried . lol

How did it end?

it didn't end there . actually , it made him want me even more . "/

3. Have you ever been “played”? Please describe.
Think about your answer and please respond to these questions:

Have you experienced this often?

i've been played before , but not very often .

How do these relationships end for you?

i don't really digg relationships ; they're no fun . that's probably a reason i dont really get played .

Can you remember what was said?

one time i got played , it was by this guy i was really feeling . he lived down the hall in my apartment complex , and the first time i saw him was on move in day . i was ON it . i went out of my way to go to his place and say hello .. even got him a hallmark card on one holiday ( smh @ me ). anyway, he wasnt feeling me . told me he would come by my place ; it never happened . played .

How did you feel about it?

i felt stupid . like why did i just do all of that? but we live and we learn , dont we ?

How much blame do you take?

all of it .

Has this varied? Have there been times when you didn’t feel wronged?

well it's varied a lot now . cause see NOW he wants to chill when i'm not feeling him no more . NOW he won't leave me the fuck alone .

How have you adapted to this phenomenon? Do you think you see it coming? What signs/indicators do you look for?

indicators of being played :
-broken promises
- ... yeah that sums it up . if promises are being broken and phone calls/texts are not being answered , you are surely in the process of getting played . (well actually, the phone part isnt ALWAYS true . cause with me , i never answer my phone . ever . it's just a bad habit for me . but i digress .)


How do you advise your friends/others?

i just tell my friends to be careful . i like for my friends to experience a relationship before i start trying to get my dr. phil on . but if my friends find out that they ARE being played , i always advise them to leave . whats the point in staying around?

till next time , guys ! (: