video phone ? i don't think i want one anymore . =/

if you asked me how i felt about this video , i'd simply say:

i didn't like it .
don't get me wrong , because you know i love B (just look back at what i was for halloween!) . and i know that she is killing the game right now . but now i think the problem is that .. she knows it, too. in october of 2008 , B hit us HARD with the single ladies . totally unexpected and mind blowing . but now , november of 09 rolls around , and we get this bullshit ass video phone .
i feel like she's doing too much . yes it is a change from what we were getting used to , such as the black and white videos with 3 dancers, choreography and ridiculous gadgets, but its TOO much of a change . we werent ready .
how do you go from black and white to gumball-machine colorfulness ? from humble to hoochie ? beyonce is in this video shakin her ASS and tooting that ish like we do at the parties ! BEYONCE ! she's up here moaning and shit at the end , talkin about 'you want me naked, if you like this position you can tape it' . WHAT THE FUCK B ? what possessed her to do this crap ? i mean i can understand that maybe she was sick of just being known as goody goody beyonce and wanted to add a little edge , but she coulda warned a playa first!
but hey i wont complain .. it was ok i guess . that part where here and GAG-GAG were dancin was real nice . who knew the white psychopath had moves ? lol. and i like the fact that gaga didnt take it too far with her weirdness. she did exactly what no one would have expected and seemed classier than beyonce . if that aint a surprise , then idk what is .

to my immortal beloved ,

The Third Letter

Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven

if only love like that still existed today . . .

santogold .

if you arent up on Santogold , get up on her immediately . expand your horizons . here , i'll help you :




and if that wasnt enough ,



ridiculous right ?

i've got the game allll wrong .

it is 3:03 in the morning and i have just been hit with an epiphany . i have the game allll wrong . it is twisted and tangled into a knot of what-the-fuck .
see , this is my problem . i often fall for the guy with the most pride and the biggest ego . with the cutest smile but the ugliest frame of mind . i fall for the dude that thinks more highly of themselves than they do me . the ones that do not trust nor believe . what it really comes down to is .. i fall for the one's that are ignorant when it comes to the proper way to treat a lady . the boys instead of the men .
they are immature , but they are funny . they are cocky, but they have a lot going for themselves .
arguments and let downs . weakness .
im getting closer and closer everytime to the prototype of my knight and shining armor , but not close enough .

they were all . so . weak .
overly confident to cover up the insecurities buried deep inside .
(they thought no one saw .)
i did .


this is an oath to myself, though . no more cocky boys .
and dont you EVER return to them old ones . it hasnt worked before , and it wont now .
i deserve more .
i deserve to be cared for like i ought to . to be loved like i want to .
i deserve a real man !

i've got one in mind , too. (;

W O R D S .

words are so powerful .
words can kill .

we fear words .
for the power that they have . for the weight that they carry .
we are afraid to think or say the wrong thing . so much that if we think something "negative" we keep it to ourselves . we dont want these forbidden words and forbidden thoughts to leave our brains .
forbidden words like ugly , fat , poor .
forbidden thoughts like, "what if it's cancer?" , "what if i love him/her?"
we don't wanna talk about it .
we just can't .
because once we actually say the words out loud , it becomes real .
and reality is a bitch , isn't she ?
so we keep it to ourselves .

and we don't open up to people, either .
well not easily anyway .
because once we open up , once those words are released ,
we no longer have control over that information .
it is now gone into the air , for anyone who heard it to do what they want with it .
they now have the power to manipulate you and your words in anyway they choose .
they now have the power to take them the wrong way (as we tend to say).

but i say : fear not .
for words are the only way to express ourselves .
say what you feel , and leave the rest to God .